When we say, “I don’t want to!”, what is it that we are really saying?  What is it that we mean when we at some time or other say, “I don’t want to” to?

Usually the “I don’t want to” response is in connection with something that we need to do, something that is challenging in some way shape or form for us and requires some additional effort on our part.  The fact that that something will be beneficial to us in the long run doesn’t really help in the moment, when we really don’t feel like exerting the extra effort needed to do whatever it is that we are saying, “I don’t want to do it” about.  Think about getting out to go to the gym or walking off those extra pounds.  Many of us sometimes don’t WANT to go.

But what else could that “I don’t want to” mean?

Might it mean, “I don’t know”?  Is it that I really “Don’t want to“, or “don’t feel like it“, or “don’t want to stop doing what I’m doing right now“, or is it, “that’s too difficult for me“, “I don’t know HOW to“, and I don’t want to look stupid if I don’t get it right”.  Whatever the task at hand… be it getting to the gym to work on losing those extra pounds or for the child in school learning to read or do math or face some other academic challenge…there is a struggle within self to get going, to stay motivated, to want to work on something that poses some form of a challenge for us.

When asked why he wasn’t working on the assignment that everyone else in the class was working on, a first grader responded emphatically,  “I don’t WANT to“!   We’ve been trained to instantly interpret this kind of behavior as “defiant” and “oppositionary”, because it is…for the teacher and for the classroom.  This is a  behavior problem in the making, disruptive of classroom routines, and a potential problem for the classroom teacher and any other adult trying to help him.  This kind of infraction is generally viewed as needing to be stopped quickly, before it spread like contagion to the rest of the class.  Move to quarantine!…get him out of the classroom immediately!

But  a question that ought to be asked is “Why”?  “Why doesn’t he WANT to?”  The six year old might no more be able to answer that question  than might an adult who similarly experienced an “I don’t want to” moment when faced with some daunting task.   The adult – older, wiser, and more experienced than the child – might be capable of self reflection and could eventually work through his or her internal struggles around “not wanting to“.   For the child, especially a struggling learner, it will be more difficult  to fully articulate the reasoning behind the “not wanting to“.  But if we are to help that child, we need to take the time and make the effort to understand what “I don’t want to” really means.

It is important here for the classroom teachers and those supporting a child’s learning to recognise that “I don’t want to” is often a cover for “I don’t know how to”.

 Interpreting the “I don’t want to” as oppositionary behavior, and as resistance to adult authority, is to miss the opportunity to get to the bottom of the child’s needs and concerns with respect to his/her learning.  Instead, seeing opposition and resistance ignores the child’s need for safety and security when learning, and views the situation in terms of the adult’s need for control, and to maintain authority.

It is not an easy task to be responsible for managing classroom behavior of 20 to 30 children while also taking responsibility for ensuring that they all move ahead academically, and that none are left behind.  In fact, it is downright difficult and in some cases impossible!  This is why teaching is not an easy profession.  The work of a teacher is much more than presenting the academic content that students are expected to learn.  Teachers are counselors, pyschologists, cognitive scientists and academic content specialists who must be able to impart knowledge in many different ways so as to reach all different kinds of learners.  Teaching is hard work and teachers ought to be supported and appreciated at every turn.

No single individual can manage an entire classroom successfully, (without help) especially if there are a few children  who “don’t know how to” and who declare openly, “I don’t want to“!

Sending those children out of the classroom for behavioral infractions further robs them of critical instructional time.   On the other hand, keeping the disruptive child in the classroom without the appropriate support and additional help needed to address his/her individual needs, robs the teacher of the ability to manage the entire classroom and to successfully teach all kids as expected.

The children that demonstrate overtly or covertly the “I don’t want to” behaviors are asking for help.  They need additional, individualized help so that they can first understand “how to”, and then “want to” participate in the classroom activities presented by the teacher.

These children must have individualized help, individualized attention, individualized teaching to address their individualized academic needs if they are to be successful in school.   This help must be provided at the point that they begin to demonstrably show that they don’t “get it“!  Their demonstration that they don’t “get it“, might be openly expressed or it might come in the form of an “I don’t WANT to“, or at the other extreme, in a passive withdrawal from the classroom activities.  Unfortunately, the child who quietly withdraws and doesn’t create an overt  behavior problem is often not noticed, and in some ways preferred because (s)he doesn’t create havoc and cause problems for classroom management.

Either way, the child who doesn’t understand the instruction at hand, becomes dis-engaged from the learning that should be taking place in the classroom.  Kicking him or her out of the classroom does nothing to alleviate the situation, but rather exacerbates the problem, by increasing the amount of instructional time lost and furthering the child’s lack of engagement with school and schooling.  This is the beginning of a cycle of failure that is learned from the earliest experiences with organized schooling.

Careful listening to the words expressed by even the youngest learners will give insight into their learning experiences in the classroom.  Respecting their words and getting to the bottom of what those words really mean, will help the classroom teacher  engaged in the task of teaching and learning, and will help the child who is really asking for help, when he says, “I don’t WANT to“.   Don’t be fooled by the outward expression.  He really wants to learn and someone needs to show him how.